Tuesday, May 23, 2006

May Day

So here is my latest illo. Primacolor markers on paper...
Say Cheese!

Personal Note:
I have been carrying my sketchbook with me for the past few months.
Nothing gets drawn in it, but my mind is usually thinking about the people I see in the city and how I would draw them.
Today on my way home I saw an older woman in a big blue hat - like you would wear to a horse race - walking down Dad Clark (it is a busy residential street) with two red hand weights that she lifted with each step to shoulder hight. It made me laugh out-loud - not at the idea of her but the fact that I wanted to be her when I am in my 70s. Confidently walking down the street in my best hat and working my arms the best I can.

But I seem to be stuck and unable to draw - even with such images in my mind...

I guess that is how I am right now... stuck.

My last entry spoke of a great new adventure that everyday is lots of fun,

but now it always feels like a Sunday.
Still a bunch of fun
but it's the day before you have to go back to your job,
to your reality.

You see I didn't get that job.
I am not going to be hired on.
My Monday is some time in July.
I don't know when yet but soon.

And the job search begins again... with heavy heart.
I have little confidence now. it is so hard not to take it all personally - to wonder what I am doing wrong.

I struggle just to breathe in and out some days -
today must be one of those days -
so I am sorry to bring you into this dark corner of my mind now.

But most days I look to all the good in my life.
I am healthy and my family is all really good.

So it is just this one tiny little thing -
like what the hell am I supposed to do with my life?

I think of going back to school to get my teaching license.
Teach Art - painting or drawing or graphic design or who knows...
But I have to have a job to pay the mortgage...
so I don't know how it will all work out,

but it will.
It always does.

So if you hear of anything, anything at all, let me know...

And hope you enjoy the smiling May guy -
These are always lots of fun to do. I will still draw with the right motivation.

Oh and Jim- if you read this, sorry about that project, I am a bit out of my skill these days, but I will try, hopefully soon.
Thanks for reading

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