Tuesday, November 20, 2007

begin again...

I don't know what it is.

Something changed in me when I had that little baby almost 6 months ago (where does time go - ah another topic for another post).
Something in me changed - beyond my expansive waist and the fact that none of my clothes fit (and another topic...)

I keep trying to name it. I want to paint. Wait let me back up.

I went to art school. I wanted to be an artist wanted to create things and show my point of view, make the world the way I want on a two dimensional surface on and on. I thought I could do that as a Graphic Designer, but I ended up showing other people's point of view and wasn't happy. Today my day job is a challenge but not creative and not artistic... I want to make things.

To be an artist is still the dream, but there was/is always something holding me back. Maybe it is fear. Maybe it is want for security. You know those artists don't make money (ah those little voices sure are loud) Maybe these are excuses - what if I am just not any good. I have always wanted to be an artist but isn't that extremely egotistical? I have always wanted to have the drive and motivation of the fellow artists I know that find the time to paint. I always wanted to do it. I have the space, I had the time, I have the supplies and yet the reality is, I was and am living in fear. Not good enough... all the crap...

Today things are different, I have dreams of paintings. I want to paint - I am painting and drawing. I have actually been drawing in my sketchbooks almost every night after Mira goes to sleep.
I hope this is the beginning of a new journey. One back to art.

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